I still couldn't quite figure out whether this should be a hate letter or not. What I'm certain of is that this is verse upon verse of things I barely have time to jot down but they sing so loud within me like a baptist chorus. This is for the most articulate soul wired into a hollow frame of a body;

For the giant who taught me the beauty in everything small,
For the warning sign I should have ignored.

I never told you but I have always found you to be genuinely beautiful. Not because of the scar over your eye which I think kind of looks like a spider nor because of the "Spartanic Height" you deem to possess but because there never has been nor will there ever be anyone else on this Earth like you. You are a different kind of beauty -- the kind I never want to see a day without. 

But these days, I never see you. 

Fourteen times -- This is the number of times I had reread from start to finish the content of our conversations looking for the moment where I lost you. You left me with the begging question of where did it all go wrong? Did I say something? Did I not say something? Moreover, you left me with nothing. I don't know how else to word it but you are such an asshole. It was an entire year of me thinking about it every day. Sometimes for hours, sometimes all day. You gave me nightmares that had nightmares for nights. You left a huge skid mark on my blood-pumping organ people have decided to call a heart. 

The conversations we had have left a dent in my speech. I keep mine short and plain now. I can't help but think you mowed the flowers out of my mouth the day you left with the promise to come back. 18,120 hours later, I still carry the weight of your promise and I am so sick of hiding it behind my gritted teeth. I only ever wanted the simplicity of a one track mind but instead I swallowed my words and I could no longer help but gag.

Late night conversations with you filled my nights with daylight. You were the quick repair for my daily blues. The witty exchange of droll and comical remarks quickly rose to become the day's highlight. You called me a lot of names: Your fair maiden, Eldunari, undersized unicorn -- babe. I wanted to tell you about how I met this girl in college. At the moment, we had already stopped talking. Her name is Aubrey -- and I loathed her. Not because she was a terrible person, don't get me wrong, she's amazing; but because her name was Aubrey. She reminded me of the song you let me listen to after everything went downhill -- Aubrey.

For a love that wouldn't bloom
For the hearts that never played in tune.

I'd like to believe you meant it. That you wanted me to read between the lines and listen to it until the end. That these were words you wanted to let me hear. Then again, I might be reading too much into it. If you did though, you weren't the only one who thought of us that way. 

Back to me meeting Aubrey -- I believed that this was a message from the universe telling me that I shouldn't let it go. So I met up with you and we talked. I had my hopes and expectations across the skies but then you told me about her, about both of you. I asked you as you asked me before to elope (metaphorically). I told you we could still work it out, that we could be selfish hinting to leave these lovers and love each other instead. She didn't like you talking to me anymore, you explained and I thought maybe I did read too much into everything so eventually at almost 9:00 we opted to go our ways, permanently.

This taught me that things don't happen in real life like they do in movies. You happening taught me that I deserve someone who gets my lunacy and deranged jokes. You not happening to me taught me that things that don't happen have to not happen in order for other things to happen.  

I still have the letter you wrote me, I've kept it in a compartment of my wallet -- It's been there for some time and to be honest, I've always wondered why I held onto it all this time and I'm still figuring out quite why. It's been two whole years of me not hearing from you. It's been two whole years and still, no one has  come close to replacing your throne of being my best conversation partner. 

You still come up in talks with people in my present. I let them know of my most dramatic and favourite almost. You left me with so much anger and grief. April 13, you told me BRB but you never did come back. Alas, you are my worst but favourite almost. 

Today, I let the love of my life know all about you. I let him read your letter and I told him all about the things we used to talk about and I just light up! Because although nothing will ever come close to what we almost had -- now I have something much more. I met someone who genuinely loves me that I genuinely love back and I am so happy, The lessons and experiences you shared with me will never be forgotten. And although I thought in the beginning that this would be an angry letter, I guess it wouldn't be after all. I guess, all I really wanted to get off my chest was thank you. Thank you for walking away. You helped me find myself when you left me with me. And my present self is eternally grateful for you. In the end, I'm glad we never pushed through.

E.G. :
I'm doing quite well. I met the love of my life and we've been together for well over a year now. My relationship with my family has improved. I've met new friends. I still keep in touch with a few of the old. I learned to play the guitar, I sketch and now I write songs. Maybe I'll one day write about you. 755 days later, all I really want to hear from you is the answer to the question: How are you?

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