I go walking and I lose myself

We leave little pieces of ourselves in the time that passes us
But I don’t gain anything in the time that comes head-on

I think my time came and passed already
I think I’m not progressing here, not really
I think I am the backwards ticking of a clock that hasn’t been allowed to run out
I think I am a dead girl walking through a dream

I don’t remember how I got here
I don’t remember how I left
Or who moves these legs, or who picked this song
Or whose hair I’m wearing or in whose body I reside
I know I’m walking
I know whatever I’m escaping, I’ll never leave it behind
I know wherever I’m going, I’ll never get there
I am a mortal body, walking for the illusion of something better

Sometimes I think I’ve died
And hell is exactly like the life I left
With the burdened promise of slowly growing worse

I wish I could say I had my mother’s grace
I wish I could say I had my mother’s face
I wish I could say my mother was someone I looked up to
Someone to whom I could run to when I felt scared

I wish this road was a little more clearly defined
Or that it was a little easier to get lost in
As I am I am caught perpetually between the sky of wanting to go somewhere
And the soil of never feeling safe
I think something has ripped the heart out of me

Maybe when I grow up, I’ll be a cool girl with a cool accent and no one will know where I came from

Do you think if my mouth was full of blood that I could finally be loved?

Tell my mom I am trying my best.

Tell her it still hurts.